To my family on Mother’s day

Hey guys, remember me?
The tall redhead who gave birth to you.
Not ringing a bell, huh?
Okay then… how about… the lady who wanders around cleaning up after you? Making sure you have food to eat, clean clothes to wear, pays for the utilities and puts a roof over your head?

No?
Um, okay.

I’m the one who pays your allowance and grounds you.
Ah, NOW you remember.

Just so you know, today was Mother’s Day.
Really.
Yes, It’s always been in May.
No, it wasn’t supposed to be on a Tuesday this year. It’s always on a Sunday.
Look at the calendar. It’s circled in red. There are big blue arrows pointing to it.
Yes I scribbled on the calendar.
No, you can’t.

Stop trying to change the subject!

Today was Mother’s Day. Millions of mothers got flowers, taken out to dinner, pampered.
No, not Pampers or diapers. Not every mother is old.
I am NOT that old!

That’s it. You’re grounded!
And no allowance for a month!

Next year for Mother’s Day, I’ll be relaxing on a beach.
Alone.
We’ll see how long it takes before you guys notice I’m missing.

Yeah I know, you’ll notice on allowance day.


19 Comments on “To my family on Mother’s day”

  1. nursemyra says:

    it’s a cruel world isn’t it?

  2. alantru says:

    I’m sure that got their attention.

  3. Nahh…they just assume you are old and by next year you will have forgotten your idle threats.

  4. OH! I remember now. Kids, family, all of those people who live here. You all realize who does the Christmas shopping right? I think Santa’s skipping our house this year!

  5. My kids wouldn’t last until allowance day, since no one can apparently do anything for themselves around here.

    I work a measly four hours a week and the entire house goes down in a burning wreckage. It takes my until my next work day to put it all back together.

    We need some combination of Super Nanny, Extreme Home Makeover and Dr. Phil up in here.

    • I work the 40 hour work week now. I recently had a reduction in hours. When I’m not working, I’m… well, I’m still working but I’m working on the next book. Although lately I’ve been playing a lot in wordpress.

      I gave up on keeping the house together. I’m outnumbered 5 to 1. As long as the roof is still on and the walls are still up to keep the wild animals out at night while I pretend to sleep, I’ll be okay with the mess they all enjoy. If you can get that combination, please send them my way when you’re done with them.

      Or better yet, I’m just going to go buy some straightjackets and duct tape.

  6. I feel your pain, (it’s very witty…). My kids didn’t do anything for me this Mother’s Day either, so you’re not alone.

    • Ramblin’,

      The kids felt my pain too. Oh boy, did they feel the pain…

      Thank you for your compliments. The kids didn’t find me witty at all when I told them their allowance was at the same location as my Mother’s Day present.

      I guess your kids were too chicken to do anything special for you this year, but I think you’ve been cooped up too long. Come sit and we will discuss the difference between a rooster and a hen.

      We’ll talk over breakfast. I’ll make us omelets.

  7. Happy belated mother’s day to you!

    I called my mother (on actual mother’s day) only to be told, “We’re not celebrating it this week because your dad’s out of town.”

    I said, “Mom. This is 50% of the phone calls you’ll be receiving from me this year. Don’t make me burn your birthday call by calling you twice for Mother’s day.”

    We laughed and laughed.

    We laughed because she has a great sense of humor and I have kids of my own who could care less about the effort that goes into their everyday lives.

    The best revenge is to get your kids and their girlfriends/wives knocked up.

    • Thanks CLT! I think it’s going to be ahwile before I get revenge. The oldest is 18 and the youngest is 7 so I’m in no hurry.

      My mother-in-law delights in the fact that my husband and I have 4 children. Not because she enjoys being a grandmother as much as it’s pure revenge against my husband for being a demon spawn.

      She laughs wickedly and tells him, “Oh, you did the same thing when you were young.”

      I cry and say, “Yeah, but what the hell did I do to deserve this?”

      I was a good kid.
      Really.
      I was.
      Stop laughing!


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