I Wish I Were a Cat



I want to be a housecat.

I mean really, is there a better life than to be a pampered fat cat?

Let’s think about this for just a minute.

I wake up from my early morning nap when I hear an alarm clock going off. When the human walks out of their room, I weave in and out of their feet trying to trip them so they can see the world from my point of view.

If they make it into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee, I’ll be right there yowling around their ankles until the noise penetrates their sleeping ears and they fill up my food and water bowls. Then the human can go away while I enjoy my breakfast and take my morning nap.

When I wake up, the humans have all left my house and I can sit in any windowsill I choose. I stretch out all of my feline muscles while my sharpened claws are hooked in the upholstery of the living room couch.

I take my early afternoon nap, eat some more, then go lay in a human bed to groom myself, making sure to lick away all of the loose hair and other nasties so I’m nice and clean.

Then it’s naptime again.  After that, I stroll across the kitchen counters and table, looking for leftover scraps or those yummy breakfast dishes the young humans leave when they go to school.

Then it’s naptime.

Around the time I wake up, humans return to my house so I lounge around on the floor like the good kitty they think I am.

Periodically, I’d need to use the litter box, and when I cover my mess, I’d get to throw litter all over the floor. What do I care? I don’t have to clean it up. Once a week, the humans will put fresh litter in there and sweep up my mess.

When I want to be stroked, I only have to rub my furry face against a human and I get instant gratification.

Of course, when the humans are home, unless I’m eating, using the litter box, or being rubbed, I will spend all of my time napping.

When they go to bed, I will spend my time playing. My favorite game will involve rolling a marble across the tile floor just outside the adult human’s bedroom.


22 Comments on “I Wish I Were a Cat”

  1. alantru says:

    Cats remind me of bankers, they rub up against you, they purr, but you know in the end it’s all about them.

  2. And salesmen too. They do the same thing, with the rubbing and purring, but in the end, it’s all about their commission.

  3. alantru says:

    True. Very true. By the way, I forgot to mention. Like the new look!

  4. Thanks! I wasn’t happy with the last one. This one fits me better I think. I’m still learning and I’ve been paying attention to all of the great things others have done on their blogs. I tried to do Bearman’s picture link and I failed again!

    I’m going to keep tweaking and I’m more than happy to take suggestions.

  5. nursemyra says:

    the down side is you would have to eat cat food

  6. I’ve always been taken back by the prestige and mysterious aura of cats. They were worshipped no less. I was totally sold on the idea and had Satan draw up a contract to make the switch. I was finally a cat! That’s when it hit me… a ’97 Corolla on Pine Street.

  7. ….and you are dead in about 12 years.

  8. Dilani says:

    Just remember that all the house owners are not like you.:)

    • True, Dilani, very true. I’ve been thinking about it. I think I really want to be a teenager in this house instead of an adult. Those kids get away with more than the cats!

  9. I have to admit Claire I am not a cat person, but I am an avid napper though…nicely written.

  10. Thanks FJ!
    It’s all about the naps isn’t it? Toddlers have it good too!

  11. That’s so true! When I was a small child I’d always tell people that I wanted to be a cat when I grew up! What better life can you have? I also admire the cat theology; you get me food, you get me water, you take care of me, you pet me, YEP, I must be GOD!

  12. I want to be a cat also. Only I want to be one of those cats that goes outside. Just wait by the door and a human will soon open it.

    • Our cat got outside a couple of weeks ago. He went around the house to try desperately to get in the backdoor.
      He met the dog nose to nose without a sliding glass door between them

      Did you know a cat can stick to the trim of a sliding glass door?

  13. LOL. Being a cat is definitely the good life.

  14. starlaschat says:

    Cute post! Sounds like our house with our two indoor cats.

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