My oldest child is technically an adult. He isn’t the kind of adult who is legally old enough to drink or gamble, but he is old enough to vote.

This adult lives in my house because technically, he’s still a kid too. MY kid. This man-child doesn’t have a job, but he does go to mechanics school at night. He also doesn’t drive because neither my husband nor I will let him near our vehicles. This “adult” has issues with responsibility.  Come to think of it, I know a lot of thirty-something adults who have problems with responsibility.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. My son, my child, my spoiled rotten brat. He isn’t allowed to drive our cars. There’s actually a car sitting in the driveway and we told him if he got a job and paid for the gas and the insurance, the 95 T-bird would be at his disposal. He’s never driven it. Not once. The tags on it expired last year. I didn’t bother renewing them.

Where was I? Oh that’s right. I remember. So, four days a week, as soon as I walk in the door from work, my husband leaves to drive our young adult son to school. Every night at 11:00, I am in the parking lot waiting to pick my son up and bring him home. Sometimes I don’t fall asleep until after one in the morning.

There are two alarm clocks in my bedroom. The first one goes off at an ungodly 4:30 am to wake up my husband who has to be at work at 6 am and the second alarm goes off at 6 am so I can get my tired ass to work by 8 am.  Both alarm clocks wake me up. We both push the snooze button as long as we can. I’ve learned to sleep in 9-minute increments.

Back to my son. Before summer vacation started, I would wake up the three younger children and get them all ready for school before I went off to work and the oldest child (adult) stayed in bed until after we’d all left.

Now the younger kids are out of school and summer vacation has begun! The older two are responsible for watching the younger two. Let the good times roll!

Except, I called home at eleven in the morning a couple of days ago and discovered that the older two children were sleeping. I gave the younger children permission to beat the hell out of the doors until their brothers woke up.

I have no idea why the adult in my house was irritated when I spoke to him on his cell phone that I pay for. Employer’s are supposed to be calling that phone, not girls. No potential employer has called that phone. Ever.

I was on the phone at work, speaking with my grouchy, irritable, spoiled rotten son of a… um me. Uh. yeah.

Anyway, While talking to my son, he complained to me that he was tired.

HE was tired.

Poor baby.

I had a moment of inspiration while I was sitting there with a pile of work threatening to collapse and bury me. The light bulb over my head zapped then lit up with a blinding realization as I spoke to my adult child on the cell phone I pay for. And  I KNOW he was lying on my living room couch, staring at my big screen tv, eating the last brownie that I was saving and complaining about how tired he was.  

I get him from school. We ride home together. We enter the house at the same time of night. I drag my tired ass to bed and he stays awake. I drag my tired ass out of the bed and he stays asleep.

So I’m a little slow sometimes. It’s because I’m SO DAMN TIRED.

But.. I got it now. Guess what, kid. Son of mine. You’re about to be tired too, because your ass is getting up every morning when your dad’s alarm goes off.

Okay, maybe not when the alarm goes off, but once dad stops pushing the snooze button and actually gets out of the bed, you’re getting up, too. You better be awake when I stumble out of the bedroom on my way to the coffee pot. If you aren’t, you can kiss that cell phone goodbye.

Tell me how tired you are then. Welcome to adulthood, Son! 

53 Comments on “TIME TO WAKE UP!”

  1. Wow Claire, and I though that “Puppy Love” had passion! Even though I moved out when I was 18 and put myself through college, I can relate to being a lazy teenager. It’s just a guess but I would assume that if your son read this post it would be enough to get him motivated?? How do you stay awake all day? Should I buy stock in Starbucks?

    • I can beat that. I moved out at 16 and put myself through college as well. I was 18 when I gave birth to this boy, so I really don’t understand the lazy teenager syndrome. Boy tells me he’s tired. He has no idea what tired is! If he read this post, he’d just roll his eyes.

  2. nursemyra says:

    ooooh… did he forget Mother’s Day?

  3. My dad never yelled at us to get out of bed. He would just take an ice cube and hold it over our head. Finally his water torture would force use to get up.

  4. alantru says:

    We are no longer in Cuddles Territory… In fact, we’ve long left Cuddles Territory and are now in “Brain the Child with a Slotted Spoon Land.”

    I have to say, Claire. Your son reminds me of me when I was his age. All I did was sleep and get into trouble. Responsibility was not my forte. (I believed work was for suckers and pleasure heads ruled.) I think if he read this post all you’d get out of him is an eye roll – which would exhaust the poor boy and likely send him back to bed.

    For your sake, I truly hope he doesn’t take the scenic route when it comes to getting his shit together. (I know I did.) If he does, buckle up. Oh, and stock up on aspirin and booze. You’re in for one hell of a ride.

    • Wow, Ok, I mentioned the eyeroll above before I even read this one. You hit it on the head with a slotted spoon, Alan.

      Pleasure heads? I’m not giving him an opportunity to take the scenic route. I really thought the idea of having a car available to him would get him in gear, but it didn’t How can an 18 year old male NOT want to be out driving? That’s just crazy.

      Pass the whiskey, and this time, you’re not the one who’s going to get hit with the bottle!

  5. Donald Mills says:

    You’re pretty damned hard on the boy, Claire. He’s just a lad after all.

    • Damn, Don… you of all people. I’m shocked.

      But, the goddamned tired teenagers get my goat!
      When I was a girl, if I told my mother I was tired, she would’ve tied me up with my own ratty blanket and beat me about the head with the slats from my bed, and she would’ve been right to do so!

      I had a job working in a restauarant washing dishes by hand when I was fourteen. They didn’t give me breaks or a bandaid when I sliced my hand off with the knife stuck in the bottom of the sink. I just wrapped it up in a dish towel and kept going.

      That’s the problem with these damn young people today, they’re all too tired!

      • Donald Mills says:

        Sorry Claire, mixed my medications up again.

        Blue pill in a.m. Green in the p.m….never can keep that straight.

        I hope to make it up to. I’ve written a special post and will dedicate it to you and your lazy-assed son. Should be up Thursday when I get back from Bridge.

        I also should thank you for your comment about online gambling a while back. I turned that into a post as well.

        How about you just send me a list? It might be quicker then me having to scrounge through the comments looking for ideas.



        • Don,
          I think you may need a part time nurse to come visit you once a day just to make sure your needs are taken care of.

          I have recently developed a drinking problem, a gambling problem, and a drug problem thanks to my wonderful friends here on wordpress.

          Sir, I would be more than happy to send you a list of the problems with today’s youth. I’m living it every day.

  6. I envy your son! I was emancipated when I was 17. I bought my first car. And instead of cold water, stick his hand in a bucket of lukewarm water. He will enjoy the warmth so much, he will pee in his underwear. That will teach him.

    • Thank you Ahmnodt! And let me just say that I am following your blog, I’m just so undecided.

      As far as my son,tThe boy has no idea how hard life can be. The problem is, if he pees in the bed, he will probably continue to sleep in it until I change his sheets.

  7. LOL, get him. Tough love is the best love, or at least that was my parents motto. By the way I see that you went with a new blog style, very nice.

    • Eric, Eric, Eric,

      See what you have to look forward to? Are you sure you don’t want to rethink this whole daddy thing? I guess it IS a little late. Oh well. I’m sure you’ll be fine. 🙂

      I hated how the comments on the other one were so small. They all ran together and I wanted to see what you guys had to say!

  8. I have something for you on my blog. Enjoy.

  9. I was inquiring about the ’95 Thunderbird… How many miles does it have on it, what color is it and how much do you want for it?

  10. tannerleah says:

    Can I come live at your house? I love to sleep and I enjoy a good brownie. (Also, get the plates updated…I like to drive).

    • Might as well, TL. You’d have to share a room though, and I’d insist that you do chores to earn your keep, but apparently, that’s just a suggestion around here and not a rule since they don’t do those either. Hell, I might as well just call my house Claire’s Boarding home for Lazy boys.

      But at least if you were mooching off me, you’d keep me laughing! That’s worth something…

  11. Oh, Claire, been there, done that with my baby. I did the tough love too, once I caught on. It didn’t work at first and it was rough for her and me.

    But the good news is that now she gets it – and she wants to be and is, most of the time, the kind of person who doesn’t need a kick in the ass.

    It’s worth the investment.

  12. Ugg. I don’t know what I will do if my son turns out to be a lazy teenager. I am having a hard enough time with my lazy ass 18-year-old sister who won’t even make her own toast.

    • Let her starve. She will figure out how to make her own toast. My son blames his lack of employment on the economy, and I can understand that. The jobs that fall out of the sky and land on my couch have dried up with the recession.

  13. I have mad you HOT SOUP on my blog. Check it out and Enjoy. P.S. HOT SOUP is something I do to highlight what I think are the best blogs and the best bloggers out there, Enjoy.

  14. LOL. I have MADE you not I have MAD you…..ooops.

  15. It’s good to know I am not alone. I have the same teenager in my house. Maybe a support group is in order. Nicely written Claire.

  16. Thanks FJ! I already put mine in a big FedEx box and shipped him off to Ramblin’ Rooster.

  17. Era says:

    Hi, I came to your blog from Eric’s. Kids sure know how to take it easy. Good luck with your new regimen.

  18. Gryphon says:

    What makes you think he won’t make a beeline back to the covers once you and the spouse vacate the house?

  19. This is VERY FUNNY! You are a wonderful mother! Beat some sense into that lazy son of yours!

    Lol, just kidding. Don’t beat him up.

  20. Ivan says:

    I love these “isthesameallovertheworld” stories… haha…

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