How Best to Procrastinate
Posted: October 24, 2009 Filed under: Second wind | Tags: Daughter am I, novel, Pat Bertram, Second wind, suspense 87 CommentsToday, my friend and fellow author, Pat, is going to guest host my blog. Many of you may remember Pat from my “Why do you blog” blog. I’m guest hosting over at her place today and I have a fun project, so come visit me over there and say hi. Pat’s Blog
You know how to procrastinate. Everyone does. Think how often you sit in front of the television mindlessly switching from channel to channel just because there is too much to do and you don’t want to do any of it. But stuffing your mind with crappy shows while stuffing your mouth with crappy snacks is not the best way to procrastinate. It gains you nothing but excess weight and unnecessary guilt.
This past year, to keep me away from my work in progress — a whimsically ironic apocalyptic fantasy — I have spent a lot of time perfecting the art of procrastination. In fact, this virtual book tour is a good example of how best to procrastinate. It was supposed to be a whirlwind tour — ten blogs in ten days — but the first person who agreed to host chose November 11, the second chose October 18, the third chose November 21. By the time I filled in all the intermediary dates (which gave me plenty of fodder for procrastination — I couldn’t be expected to work on a manuscript when I needed to query book bloggers, could I?) I ended up with a thirty-five day blog tour.
Bad, right? Two blogs every day for over a month (one post for the host’s blog, one for my blog to promote my appearance on the host’s blog) is a lot of work, but it also means thirty-five days of guilt-free procrastination! Just think of all I am accomplishing while I am not rescuing my poor hero (I left him sweltering beneath a tangerine sun). I get to promote my recently released book, Daughter Am I, a young woman/old gangster coming-of-age novel. I get to make new friends. I get to visit new virtual locales. And all to keep from writing. Not bad at all.
There are so many things one can do while procrastinating, but the best way to procrastinate is to do something constructive while not doing what you feel you should be doing. You can take things too far, though. If I ever find myself doing housework instead of writing, I’ll know it’s time to dig out my WIP!
(The first chapters of Pat Bertram’s novels — A Spark of Heavenly, More Deaths Than One, and Daughter Am I — are included in the free Mystery Sampler from Second Wind Publishing, LLC.)
Claire Collins 
Hi, Claire! I just stopped by to get the URL of your blog so I can link our blogs, and find that I’m already here. I guess this is one time I didn’t procrastinate! (I won’t mention that I sent the article almost at the last minute if you don’t.)
Um only if you promise not to tell that I sent mine even later than you did. Shhh I won’t tell. I promise
Welcome back to the dark side, Claire. Lots o’ blogging to be done it would appear, and at 3-4 times your usual pace (15-20 times in Canadian dog years).
Something inappropriate for me but strangely appropriate for you showed up unsolicited in my inbox. I thought I’d shoot it your way.
Mr. Lion Tamer
Greetings from NUMA-ville. It’s me, Clive F. Cussler. I see you’ve been busy blogging away and the thought occurs to me to start one of these as well. Perhaps they can teach old salty seadogs some new tricks!
I’ve often worked long and hard writing myself into various paragraphs of my ghost-written novels and the urge hits me to lean back and let things go for awhile. I hate to put off yet another mimeographed chart-topper, but sometimes you just want to putter around the house, work on your backswing or take the sailboat for a few spins around the magnificently appointed bathtub.
Now, I have been hearing a lot of criticism lately (I won’t name names, but it rhymes with your name, CLT) about my rubber-stamp approval process and my half-wit son who has been dragged into this business kicking and drooling. I don’t take these accusations lightly. I have a rigorous approval process which requires that the book contain a picture of a ship and that my name be in 128-pt type across the front.
I also make sure that the summary refers to my “celebrated novellist” status and my general adverurizing. All the other fine authors with which whom I share the monkeys-on-typewriter pool with (Clancy, Patterson, Rowling, etc.) have these processes in place as well.
We often double-check the quality of each other’s work if for no other reason than to poach paragraphs we like. Why, if Clancy’s workhorses spend a few too many sentences describing a warship interior – yoink! – it goes into the latest Dirk Pitt saga. Likewise, if my boys (hired and stillborn) spend a little too much time dithering about a dead body, Patterson is on the case like a heroin-addled Holmes. If Patterson’s novel millers pound out too many stats on the handgun in question, away it goes to Clancy’s latest techno-thriller with the speed of… something that goes quickly… away… from. If Rowling… well, we still haven’t figured out how to work that in yet, but someday we may be able to grab a choice phrase of two that doesn’t describe broomball or head scars or such other bullshit.
Anyway, the long and the short of this is this: at the end of the day, we all like to have a chance to crack open a Zima and gaze back over the list of things we should have done. In my case, not mowing the lawn allows me the time to gaze at the calendar and see if I can wait it out until winter. Or have Dirk do it.
Nautically yours,
Clive F. Cussler
Celebrated Novelist
Ah, it’s always great to hear from him, especially when he seems to be within shouting distance of “sober” and “coherent.”
Have fun with the virtual promo tour, Claire. I’ll be checking in so keep us posted. Oh, and I’ll kick CFC square in the jimmy and tell him you sent me. He’ll be doubled-over in ecstasy.
It’s always a pleasure having you come visit, CLT. Come visit me on Pat’s blog too. http://ptbertram.wordpress.com/2009/10/25/welcome-to-the-business-of-writing/
I want to see what you come up with.
As for CFC, you know he loves you.
Hi Claire
Was going to pop over and visit you at – http://ptbertram.wordpress.com/ but . . . will tomorrow do? Or the day after? 😆
Ha! Duncan, you’re the king of procrastination aren’t you? Come visit me anytime, anywhere.
Hmmm. Maybe I should have chosen a different subject matter. How are you going to get people to play your mission statement game if they’re more caught up in playing the procrastination game?
Pat, procrastination is a perfect subject for my blog. I think most of my readers imagine that I fall off the face of the earth every now and then!
[…] have to write. Oh, joy! While Claire Collins is guesting here, I will be at her blog talking about How Best to Procrastinate. When you get a moment, please visit Claire’s Blog and join in the […]
Speaking of procrastination, I’ve been missing again and I do apologize. I also just realized that Halloween is only a week away. I don’t know where the time’s going, but I do know that a couple of bloggers very close to me have been posting halloween items. Go check out the great decorations over at Vicki’s Corner Paint
http://vickihorton7.wordpress.com/2009/10/20/halloween-style-ideas/
And then once you’re in the Holiday Spirit ( Ha! Did you catch that? Spirit? Haa, ah, ok moving on) Jump over to Suzette’s blog and enjoy some fun holiday music. She’s doing the 13 days of Halloween:
Oh yeah, send everyone over on the day I have Pantera up. It’s alright there is or will be something for everyone. All the way to my son’s favorite day of the year. (well Christmas might top it…maybe.)
I need to stop by and listen to Monster Mash. It’s one of my favorites.
My biggest problem is that I have to do my real work on the internet. I start with a full head of steam and a Tim Robbins type motivation and within 10 minutes I’m either ‘stuck’ on a porn site (there are just so many, of such high quality) or am commenting on a friend’s Facebook status about his latest ‘Espresso Adventure.’ I think I may seriously have ADD or ADHD or Asperger’s or some damn thing.
Real work? Porn doesn’t count.
We’ll talk about that later.
See this is why I love Scott. He’s as bad as me…alright I don’t do the porn thing but I start every day with email open, book open (one I’m working on), then how ever many covers I’m doing and then…poker, games, kid, laundry, food, cleaning, blogs, and I lose it all.
And here I am starting every day by leaving home and going to work!
I thank you for helping me out today, Claire! Why, if you hadn’t posted this link on your Facebook page, where I was doing a quick “check in” just in case anything cataclysmic had happened since I went to bed eight hours ago, I would have been sitting here actually writing. Like, real writing: a guest blog post I’m doing, my outline for National Novel Writing Month, a new blog I’m developing, and the book I’ve finally settled on writing.
Whew! That was close. 😉
Real writing is very exciting. We haven’t caught up lately. I’m going to come over to your place and see what’s going on.
Now, stop blogging and get back to the fun work of writing! Speaking of which, jump over to Pat’s place, BKT. I think the post over there may help you and make up for urging you to procrastinate. Good to see you!
I did check it out – thank you so much! I like the guest-post thing. It helps me expand my blog reading (read: procrastinating). 🙂
Ha! Glad to know that I’m encouraging you! Now get back to writing!
Wow Ms. C! Looks like with all this sweet, sweet content and my less than stellar ability with “the words” I have found a great new method of procrastination! I might even be able to work my way up to chapter books! 🙂
Hi SpilledInkGuy, can I call you SIG for short? As talented as you are with the whole drawing thing… I think it’s okay if you stick to picture books. You can claim it’s research and not procrastination. Thanks for coming by!
WOW – I had no idea you linked to my silly site! I’ll post a link for you on my “Friends of Ink” page either today or tonight when I update!
PS – I very much like that Freud cartoon – did you catch my Freudian slip a while ago (it involved a banana peel … and Freud).
Thanks again, Ms. C – I really appreciate it! 🙂
Robert, You flatter me. I should have done it long ago but I’ve been procrastinating. Thanks for the plug on your page!
PLEASE post the link to the Freudian slip???
Not at all! Thank you!
I think old Sigmund fell out of my ‘high-tech’ archives already, but I’d be happy to send send you a copy if you’d like!
🙂
Not at all! Thank you!
I think old Sigmund fell out of my ‘high-tech’ archives already, but I’d be happy to send you a copy if you’d like!
🙂
I am not a procrastinator. I have thought of writing a book on how not to procrastinate, but I haven’t gotten around to doing it.
I have a blog like that. I started it as a place to post about all the things I was doing to procrastinate, but I never get around to posting to it.
Ahmnodt, I could never imagine you as a procrastinator. I’ll think about it next week.
Been doing a bit of procrastination myself. Especailly happens when I have too much to do and not enough thinking power to get it done. I play mindless games and then I’m ready to knock out several projects at once. Got to get them done or I’ll never get back to the 3 WIPs, the short story, and a new book idea I want to write. Blech.
Best of luck with Daughter Am I.
I do that sometimes too Sia. When I get overwhelmed, I either watch tv or play an online game. Anything to clear my mind so I can regroup and attack what needs to be done.
Thanks, Sia. Oddly enough, I hadn’t played games for months, but now that I’m in the midst of this blog tour that takes up so much of my computer time . . . I play games. I wait until it’s time to go to bed, and then all at once my mind gets into gear, and so I stay up half the night. Perhaps I’m like a kid — I’ll do anything to keep from having to go to sleep!
It’s hard trying to overcome procrastination. I’m certainly guilty of it myself. The only I can beat it is to tell myself if I set up everything I need to work, I can quit. Once I’ve got stuff set up, I say, let me just sketch the first panel, I don’t have to do anything else.
I keep taking my overwhelming project in incremental steps, and the next thing I know, it’s all done! When you have a WIP that seems to difficult to complete, just break it down into stages. You’ll find it a lot easier to keep going. Eventually, it’ll be done, and you’ll be the proud parent of a finished result! 🙂
Wow George, Look at you giving all of this great advice ;).
And anyone who can produce an outstanding work of art as well as a witty storyline 7 days a week without fail, AND with many of the works being multi-panelened… well, I would certainly take his advice on beating procrastination. Did you get a chance to jump over to Pat’s blog and make a missions statement?
George, I always tell people it’s all about writing one word and then another. But do I take my advice? Nooooooo.
Procrastinate? Me?
Ohhh… I don’t really know…
What’s with you MadHatters anyway? I just can’t imagine you guys actually procrastinating. We can work on that later.
Considering I work from home, procrastinating only involves cleaning my office. Organized chaos however is a lifestyle choice I say. I don’t even procrastinate doing exercise, bloggers ass can be a nasty thing!
Loon, I love organized chaos at home, but I work somewhere else and I can’t function if I don’t have strict control over my area. It’s spotless. Every piece of paper has a place and the only thing allowed on my desk is the project I’m working on.
That’s because you friggin studied accounting…..you will never recover!
I don’t want to recover!
😦
I hate to spoil the flow, but I intend to overcome apathy, the close relation of procrastination, and start on my winter creative writing project, later today…
How’s that working for you, Dave?
I took over 3 months off from, allegedly, sensible writing and immersed myself in blogoland. Met very many good folk, (and a couple of turds), but have used the time to rationalise, [the constructive version of procrastination], my excessive pile of partial ideas into 2 runners. Will keep you all advised, but FFS don’t hold your breath!
FFS? I’ve been rationalizing too, but I’ve been doing it for about six months. Very soon, I have to get back to working on one of the 4 works in progress I have.
Procrastination is a fancy word for, “I don’t want to do this.” I don’t imagine your (male) readers do much procastination when it comes to SEX.
I can’t imagine any man procrastinating when it comes to sex. But watch it happen as soon as you mention chores!
Or porn…just ask Scott!
I think Scott needs a good talking to!
Knowing Scott, he’ll just want to be spanked! LOL Just kidding!
Claire certainly knows how to procrastinate. 3 weeks between blog posts and she has to have a ghost writer do it.
Well it is almost Halloween, a perfect time for ghosts. And perhaps I’m really Claire in costume.
I don’t think she’s a ghost.. Let me pinch her and see…
She screams loud.
So.. Bear.. what are you implying? You miss me? Want to see more of me? Just say so.
MORE MORE MORE
You know you’re adorable right? I haven’t decided if its because of the green hat or the way your tongue teases the corner of your mouth.
I know exactly what you mean. I always have to do a little routine of things before I can get down to my real work. But, they all seem constructive anyway.
Hi Artambrosia! Procrastination time is over! NaNoWriMo starts up in just a couple of days and I saw that you’re gearing up for it. You’re already ten steps ahead of me!
Procrastination is not a bad thing. I accomplish a lot while I’m trying not to do something. Not only does the accomplishment give you a guilt-free procrastination, it helps you forget what you’re procrasting from.
[…] check out “How Best To Procrastinate” on Claire Collins’s blog. It was actually yesterday’s tour stop, but I kept finding other […]
Mmm… l guess I should take all this to heart. You’ll notice, Pat, that I’m here, was recently also at Joy’s and Dave’s blogs, so am obviously procrastinating myself. 😀
Research, Carol. Just call it research!
Carol, but it’s been very much appreciated, so from my standpoint, I see that you are doing something worthwhile. Procrastination in a good cause is “pro”crastination.
I’m a champion procrastinator, I can procrastinate from housework and writing at the same time.
AF, I’m in awe of you. I can only procratsinate from one thing at a time. It takes too much effort to work on more than that!
i was going to leave a comment but …naw….
maybe later?
claire, it’s simply amazing how you can get 79 comments on your posts. i could learn a lot from you…but some other time please.
ditto
Hey, aren’t you still being held hostage?
check the blog. short answer, no. Coup Kaput.
[…] check out “How Best To Procrastinate” on Claire Collins’s blog. It was actually yesterday’s tour stop, but I kept finding other […]
[…] check out “How Best To Procrastinate” on Claire Collins’s blog. It was actually yesterday’s tour stop, but I kept finding other […]
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After reading all the comments I’m really pleased to know I’m not alone. I too go to the computer to do real work and then begin with emails, Face Book etc! Now I’m stuck in a stupid virtual world called Farmville on Face Book! Ya, like I have that kind of time! I’m terrible!
But your blog is so beautiful! Here I thought you spent hours and hours slaving away and now I find out you’re playing in Farmville? You’re multi-talented! 😉
Good Lord! I don’t have hours to post! Wish I did! You can tell when I write very little! I hope to do more!
I’ve never procrastinated once in my entire life. I sometimes worry that I’ll regret this later in life… Wait a sec, procrastinate means “To beget and conceive offspring.” Right?
No Honey, I think you’re thinking of procreating, not procrastinating. I’ll tell you later what procrastinating means.
Okay. While I’m waiting I’ll see what I can do about begetting and conceiving me some offspring.
Practice, Alan. Lots and lots of practice. 😉
Ah! So, true, so true… But in the end (okay bad choice of direction) isn’t it all about follow through… Or a broken condom?
Sorry my comment is so damned late. I’d been meaning to get by earlier but when you add procrastination to old bones and a failing memory….it gets rough. Hope it’s not too late to visit you at the other blog.
Don,
Perhaps the reason you’re late is because you spent too much time thinking about York in a Cupid costume.
Well, thank you Claire for the lesson on procrastination…it is now November and not a post in sight 🙂
I was going to type the same thing yesterday, but couldn’t decide…
I always succumb to peer pressure