Updating at Warp Speed

Several things have happened since I last saw you. So without further ado, here’s an update:

Halloween came and went.


I added a new bear to my collection and he promptly took over my favorite place to hang out:

Picture 001

My oldest son turned 19. He still doesn’t have a job.

My next oldest son was promoted from freshman football to varsity football and he got to play in the last two varsity games. He would have played in the final varsity game, but he was sick all week and missed two practices so he couldnt play. We can’t wait for next year. He will be the only Sophomore on the varsity team.

Everyone got sick with some weird stomach bug. I hope it was H1N1 because if so, we all had it and survived and should be good to go for the rest of the year. Right?

My kitchen cabinets have three shelves. Well, one cabinet now only has two shelves, but that’s ok because I don’t have nearly as many glasses as I used to since that one shelf decided it was tired of holding up all of those glasses.

At least 3 times in the last two weeks, I haven’t had more than three hours of sleep because my husband snores and when the weather changes, his snoring gets worse. As soon as I drift off, he wakes me up. Poor guy, he doesn’t do it on purpose, but one of these mornings, he’s going to wake up with tampons shoved up each nostril and a sock in his mouth.

Most nights, I only sleep about 6 hours anyway.

We had record heat. It was ni the 90’s all week. It’s November.

We had our fiscal year end at work and that inculded taking inventory. I worked 12 hour days and weekends.

Somewhere in all of that, I worked, slept, ate, cleaned, laughed, cried, lived life, made decisions and talked to my family.

At least I assumed I did all of that. I don’t remember much of it in the blur of my life.

So, I’m back now, but quite frankly, next week doesn’t look much better.

Finally, do you guys miss my posts or me coming to visit you and leave comments?


77 Comments on “Updating at Warp Speed”

  1. lol…I can picture my poor brother-in-law waking up to strings hanging from his nostrils. And more than one child trying to figure out what in the world dad is sneezing out.

  2. yorksnbeans says:

    Bears seem to be a theme today. (you, me and Don Mills) I hear you about the snoring! I spent half of last night poking Mr. YnB and telling him to roll over. It has gotten worse with the cooler weather. Never thought about it.

  3. Welcome back (again), Claire. I’ve missed your comments and posting. I’ve trimmed back my blog reading to yours and Alan’s, meaning I really only have to fire up the computer every 2-6 weeks.

    I’m glad Halloween went well and an additional bear never hurts, unless the previous bears were already hurting you, in which case the pack mentality takes over and you’re hospitalized and your laptop is all mauled and hacked.

    • I’ve missed you too, Professor. Catching up on your blog alone will take me several days. It’s one of those blogs that you don’t just read, smile, and move on. Oh no. Not yours. Your blog has to be tested and tasted and savored. It has to be mentally caressed and stimulated, then the full impact of the blog hits you and you walk away satisfied.

      Luckily for me, I’m the leader of the bears here so the pack mentality is under control. Most of the time. Of course, how do you really know if this is actually me or if I’m really the bear?

  4. Sia McKye says:

    Yes, I enjoy your posts. Everyday life from your perspective is always interesting. Gives me someone else’s life to focus on.

    You know, thats a good idea, tampons and socks and for the same reason, lolol!

  5. “Ni in the 90’s” use to be my favorite song until your life became so tumultuous that hanging out with strangers moved to the back burner. Without your comments on my blog I feel illegitimate and lost. I don’t like it when you go away.

  6. Welcome back to blogoland, I was starting to fear that some real emergency had overtaken you.

    Life is full of happenings, the absence of such is called death and we will spend much time there, some sooner than others.

    So, enjoy and post/comment when you can; it ain’t essential to existence although feels like it sometimes.

    PS Your new bear can’t see the screen!

    • Dave, I’m more worried about his claws scratching the keyboard. He growled when I moved him. He looks all cuddly and sweet but looks can be deceiving. I kinda like life but I like you guys too so it’s hard to be in both at the same time!

  7. Of course we missed you, your witty banter, and your ‘ways with a cattle prod!’ I almost had an unfortunate incident over at Alan’s place, but I was able to remove the bands……Alan was not so lucky.

    My wife snores as well. So first I got some industrial ear plugs. Then I made her get a sleep apnea test. It turns out that she had it. I didn’t even know that skinny people could have it, but they can. So now I get a nice white noise sound, slightly filtered with the ear plugs and I sleep like one of your bears. Tell him to get tested…

    • I’ve got to get over to Alans place and see what’s going on with the bands and the prod! Do I still have a whiskey bottle to swing?

      I’ve thought many times of having him tested for sleep apnea. Honestly (and seriously) he does the whole stop breathing thing when he sleeps on his back and I’ve had to wake him up and make him roll over because it sounds so terrible and I can’t sleep for fear that he’s going to stop breathing for real and die in his sleep. I may seriously get ear plugs, but then how do you hear the alarm clock in the morning? I may have to get Rooster to sleep next to my bed.

  8. spilledinkguy says:

    That’s a lot of going’s on, oh, and there is a BEAR ON YOUR LAPTOP! Could this creature have something to do with the kitchen cabinet incident (sounds like a foraging mishap to me)!? 🙂

    • Holy shit! damn bear! That does explain a lot including the empty refrigerator and ransacked cabinets and I think one of the cats is missing as well. And he isn’t housetrained either. I keep telling him my living room IS NOT the woods!

    • Thanks Sheila! I do too. He’s a Gund special release and he weighs about 10 lbs and he’s sturdy. My 8 year old daughter (see the dancing disco zombie link above) sat on him like a horse.

  9. alantru says:

    Indeed you were missed. Welcome back, Claire and see you sometime soon. I have turned on our furnace and it shall now remain blasting away until April, possibly May. Will your bear be hibernating this winter? If so, he can join the party at my place. It’s going to be “A Very Russian Winter” and so, ‘natch, the bear will fit right in. I intend to read the collected works of Dostoevsky, then summon up the ghost of Dostoevsky, then drink vodka with the ghost of Dostoevsky, then the two of us plan to kill a hated, unscrupulous loan shark, which will not only solve our financial problems and keep us in booze but will also rid the world of an evil parasite. What could go wrong?

    • Gryphon says:

      What could go wrong? To begin with, reading the collected works of Dostoevsky. After that everything else pales in comparison on the “horrible experience scale.”

      • alantru says:

        Ха! Да, комбинация Достоевского и хороших времен не общий мой babooshka и друг. О, и казалось бы, что я следую за Вами ночь.


          • Seriously. Show off indeed. I threw some of it into google and did a translation. It really is Russian although I have no idea what it says. However, Google did translate a page for me and I nearly died with laughter at the results. Here’s what Alan’s Russion got me: (Its Russian, then English for some of my slower readers. I’m not naming names)


            United States from ocean to ocean alone in a car for 20 days.
            Поездка по маршруту Сан-Франциско – Аризона – Техас – Флорида – Новый Орлеан – Нью-Мексико – Йеллоустон – Сиэтл – Сан-Франциско с 19 апреля по 8 мая 2005 года глазами советского обывателя. Round-trip San Francisco – Arizona – Texas – Florida – New Orleans – New Mexico – Yellowstone – Seattle – San Francisco from 19 April to 8 May 2005 the eyes of the Soviet citizen.
            Синопсис. Synopsis.
            — Путешествие по США: инструкция по выживанию. – Travel to the U.S.: instructions for survival.
            — Смерть среди кактусов. – Death among the cacti.
            — Пойманный пограничниками. – Catch the border guards.
            — Ударенный молнией. – Struck by lightning.
            — Средневековье Флориды. – Ages Florida.
            — В Майами среди айсбергов. – In Miami, among the icebergs.
            — Ночь с педерастами. – Night of pederasty.
            — Ограбление. – Robbery.
            — Вертеп с несовершеннолетними. – Den of minors.
            — Петербург – город солнечного света. – St. Petersburg – the city of sunshine.
            — Спят усталые игрушки или Веселье по-американски. – Sleep tired Fun toys or the American way.
            — В сосновых борах Техаса. – In the pine forests of Texas.
            — Путешествие к центру Земли. – Journey to the Center of the Earth.
            — Встреча с инопланетянами. – Meeting with aliens.
            — Майские снега Нью-Мексико. – May snow in New Mexico.
            — В краю, где снимаются фотообои. – In the land where removed wallpaper.
            — Пустыни вечнозелёного штата. – Desert evergreen state.
            — Путешествие по США: а стоит ли? – Travel to the United States: but is it worth?
            Темы, не охваченые данным пособием. Topics not covered by this manual.
            — Нью-Йорк – город контрастов. – New York – a city of contrasts.
            — Блеск и проституция Лас-Вегаса. – Glitter and prostitution Las Vegas.
            — Встреча с Си-Си Кэпвеллом в Санта-Барбаре. – Meeting with the Cu-Cu Kepvellom in Santa Barbara.
            Выражение признательности. Acknowledgments.
            Грешен. Sinful.

    • Alan.

      We had this conversation in May. I still have to run the Air conditioning at night so we can sleep. Its in the 90s during the day :sob: it’s November for crise sakes. It’s too hot for `natch the bear to hibernate.(`natch?) He keeps begging me to shave him so he can cool off. I refuse, he steals my laptop or breaks all of my glasses.

      I’d like to cash in one of my season days for one of yours now.

  10. Gryphon says:


    It occurs to me that if a man gets a tampon inserted into each nostril and a sock into his mouth that waking up to find himself in such a condition is going to be the very least of his worries. His chief worry it would seem to me would be waking up at all. 😀

    But that is ALSO a satisfactory way to solve the snoring problem and for much longer than just one night.

    • lol Gryph, I seriously thought about the true consequences of stopping air flow by inserting a tampon into each nostril and the sock in the mouth (clean of course, I do love him after all)

      And I realized that if he sleeps through the insertions of the tampons and the socks, then he has a much bigger problem than waking up with them already inserted and trying to figure out how the hell they got in there to start with.

  11. Lynn says:

    so you have a collection of teddy bears? i kinda have a fear of them -stuffed bears. (true) i’m also, glad to see you back claire. we’ve been trapsing in and out for weeks.

    • I’m so sorry Lynn. I need to come visit you as well. I’m such a slacker lately. Please explain to me your fear of stuffed bears? My collection is of all kinds of bears. I have stuffed teddy bears, but most of them are very small. This new bear (for some strange reason now named Natch)is the first large teddy bear to join my herd (Do bears really run in herds? Packs? aren’t they really loners deep down? And why did Teddy Roosevelt decide they needed to be so cuddly?) anyway, I have clothes with bears and little statues. The kids find it amusing. Here’s more about the bears https://clairecollins.wordpress.com/2009/09/10/unbearable/

  12. tannerleah says:

    I miss you but not enough to stalk you. (What with all the time I spend trying to track down Sarah).

    Little known fact. Snoring is decreased by 86% if the snorer recieves oral gratification on a regular basis. Just trying to help the cause.

  13. duncanr says:

    Jeez, about time you showed up. 🙄

    You any idea how many times I’ve dropped by only to find no-one at home ? 😦

    P.S. Your tardiness in putting up this latest post in any way attributable to the subject of your preceding post ? 😉

    • Duncan, I find myself duly admonished and I do apologize. Who’s been up with you in the mornings? Since it’s morning there and evening here and all. Okay, who had their mind in the gutter? Wait. It’s probably easier to ask who’s mind WASN’T in the gutter?

      And my tardiness had nothing to do with the preceding post although it may have to do with the one before that where I ended up on Freud’s couch.

  14. NobblySan says:

    Sorry… who are you?

    Have we met before? Please remind me.

  15. George says:

    We always miss you, Claire. I just figure you’ll make your rounds when time permits. I speak from personal experience when I say I know how little of that there is. 🙂

  16. G says:

    To a certain degree, yes.

    But when the real world calls, it must take precedence over the blog world.

    When you can find the time to visit, you can.

    We’ll still be here for ya.

  17. I’ve totally missed you. And just got here to tell you so, but it’s true. That damn life thing always gets in the way.

  18. Bob Trusty says:

    I miss your postings Claire! I missed reading everyones posts when i went away as well. Its such a long time, but it recharges the batteries and that can only be a good thing!

    welcome back! Hooray!


  19. Of course we’ve missed you….hurry back!!

  20. frigginloon says:

    “do you guys miss my posts or me coming to visit you and leave comments?”

    Yes, damn you! Here I was already for some Loon banter and you up and procrastinated ! Geez, lucky you are friggin funny 🙂

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