To my family on Mother’s day

Hey guys, remember me?
The tall redhead who gave birth to you.
Not ringing a bell, huh?
Okay then… how about… the lady who wanders around cleaning up after you? Making sure you have food to eat, clean clothes to wear, pays for the utilities and puts a roof over your head?

No?
Um, okay.

I’m the one who pays your allowance and grounds you.
Ah, NOW you remember.

Just so you know, today was Mother’s Day.
Really.
Yes, It’s always been in May.
No, it wasn’t supposed to be on a Tuesday this year. It’s always on a Sunday.
Look at the calendar. It’s circled in red. There are big blue arrows pointing to it.
Yes I scribbled on the calendar.
No, you can’t.

Stop trying to change the subject!

Today was Mother’s Day. Millions of mothers got flowers, taken out to dinner, pampered.
No, not Pampers or diapers. Not every mother is old.
I am NOT that old!

That’s it. You’re grounded!
And no allowance for a month!

Next year for Mother’s Day, I’ll be relaxing on a beach.
Alone.
We’ll see how long it takes before you guys notice I’m missing.

Yeah I know, you’ll notice on allowance day.